Sunday, December 5, 2010

what's in a name, really?

In an attempt to 'connect' with my 'authentic self' (sounds like I've watched too much Oprah, doesn't it?), in the past year I've tried to liberate myself from the persona I created.

She is me but she isn't.  She doesn't fear what others think or say about her.  She is strange, creative, independent, and she will take almost any dare.  Most importantly, she can be outrageous and dance on top of tables (while drunk or otherwise) and doesn't get those things called hangovers or guilt complexes as a result.

As me, I am far and away too hung up on with other people.  How will/do they react.  How those reactions impact me.  Most importantly, how I let those things limit me.

I've also attended one too many seminars about writing/publishing.  The people involved have been all about third party point of view (and what they call a close third).  Me?  I tend to be vain and think in first person even if I've never been: male, in the military, or even been on the back of a motorcycle. 

I have looked at the authors I like/love and the books that I like/love.  Wouldn't you know it?  Virtually all of them are written from the first person point of view.  By reading those books from that place, I get to become someone I'm not.  I can be rich, thin, exciting, and have my own stable of nearly-naked, naughty men.  I can be a redhead, blond, brunette.  I am transformed into someone who is younger or older.

I get to escape my life and my world and go somewhere completely different for fun, profit, and pleasure.

That is the point of reading and writing (for my own pleasure and that of others), right?

So, I'm going to re-evaluate me and what I do.  Examine what works and what doesn't.  See how I can get back into my own zone.  I've been benched for the better part of a year because I let go of the name, the persona, I created.

I've missed my alter-ego and I hope to reconnect with her soon.

The bad news about the alter ego?  

When I looked at buying 'my' own domain name, it is a FREAKING PORN SITE!  I can't really compete with that.

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