Thursday, March 28, 2013

welcome to the dog zone training

 It has been widely held that humans should train their companion animals.  This is not necessarily true.  It is so much faster and convenient when the dog(s) run the training schedule.

The young dogs got to learn from the Master this week just how easy it is to bend adult human beings to his will.

The visiting humans learned the following tricks in record time:
Master Trainer

1) Share - protein trick ... human is not allowed to take more than two bites of protein without sharing with a well positioned canine. Please note a trainer has reached master level when he/she can count and keeps the bites between human and companion to a 1:1 ratio.

2) Peanut butter - medication trick ... at designated intervals, a human goes to designated cabinet and prepares medication covered in liberal amounts of peanut butter on an animal cracker.  When in doubt, this trick is to be performed on demand.  Said Master is not to articulate any sound, merely find humans and circle them until attention is raptly paid and peanut butter is delivered.  Should trainee not realize this is the demand, Master circles to long time team member to execute command. Humans are not encouraged to sample peanut butter or cookies as this is a breach of trust and may cause supplies to run dangerously low.

3) Touch - attention and comfort ... nose is pressed on various locations on human until sufficient adoration has been noted in the form of massage, belly rubs, or chest scratching.

Master in training
4) Bedtime - beauty sleep.. Favored stuffed animal is paraded in front of humans with accompanying head toss.  After four repetitions, Master retires to the bedroom and gets much needed beauty sleep.  Humans not understanding or obeying will suffer the affects of aging much more quickly than better trained beings.

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